KYLE MOOTY

Press 1 for English or 2 for Beto O’Rourke.

That’s how bad a look it was for the Democrats’ junior varsity squad that went on stage the first night of the debates. Amazingly, Cory Booker looked disappointed he didn’t get to speak Spanish first.

Note to these soon-to-be afterthoughts, 229.7 million people in the U.S., according to the Census Bureau, speak English. Spanish is a distant second at 40.5 million. I believe I’d speak English at the debate if I wanted voters to seriously consider me.

Then came night two where the JV clowns were shown how to really look silly.

As one analyst said, those guys and gals looked a lot like “a guy named Castro without the beard.”

Even NBC and its subsidiary MSNBC, which is so far left it’s somewhere out in the Pacific, couldn’t hide the embarrassment of the party’s first effort to reclaim the White House. NBC said the winner of the debates was President Donald Trump, who was somewhere in the Far East I believe at the time.

Joe Scarborough, he of Morning Joe and ‘I married a supreme liberal so now I’m one too’ fame, said, as a said supreme liberal, he hoped “people were not watching” the debates because the actors and actresses were so bad.

The fact that the party had to have a doubleheader with all the candidates perhaps tells the story. There are way too many. There were some that walked on stage that I recognized about as well as the starting second baseman for the Seattle Mariners Class A team in Modesto, which is, incidentally, called the Nuts.

The next night’s candidates played the “A” side to the JV’s “B” side, but I believe they’re all major league nuts if you ask me. It’s hard to pinpoint a leader though because Touchy Joe Biden looked like he’d have rather been anywhere but on stage, and Bernie Sanders sounded as if he needs a mental competency test before he continues blabbering into a microphone again.

While Crazy Bernie does apparently like the idea of our country becoming a socialist nation, at least he didn’t use some of the head-shaking comments as Touchy Joe. He said Barrack Obama had a backbone as tough as a ramrod. A ramrod is by definition “a rod used for ramming down the charge of a muzzleloader.” And that wasn’t his worst effort! He also said the first thing he would do as President would be to defeat Donald Trump. Ah, excuse me, but I believe if you become President, you would have already defeated Donald Trump.

Kamala Harris just looks angry.

Thanks to Elizabeth Warren, I have to look up another word for crazy because Bernie has that locked up. Bonkers, perhaps? Although, if she claims to be part of another race next week I’ll refrain from using that because I wouldn’t want to offend her latest race. Native Americans must be rejoicing in knowing it has been proven she’s not one of them. Can we prove she’s not Caucasian?

The never-ending trash-talking and constant downing of the U.S. by the candidates must make soccer player Megan Rapinoe proud, she of the f-bomb droppings and refusing to join her teammates in singing the National Anthem. Boy, there’s quite a role model... NOT! Makes it hard to pull for the U.S. with her on the team.

I loved the New York Post’s headline under the photo with all candidates on night two raising their hands favoring free health care for illegal immigrants. It read “Who wants to lose the election?”

I wondered if some of those standing at the podium were Motaurs; half-person, half motorcycle, although I’m sure Harley Davidson doesn’t want them either. A Motaur would be easier to understand than candidate Marianne Williamson, whoever she is, saying her first act as President would be to call the New Zealand prime minister and tell her “Girlfriend, the United States of America is going to be the best place in the world for a child to grow up.” Shouldn’t she go back to reading pharaoh cards and spreading pixie dust?

Sadly, all candidates support aborting/killing babies as late as a mother’s third trimester. That alone should scare everyone.

When Biden ended a statement with “My time’s up,” all I could think of was, you’re so right, Joe.

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