Were Lewis Grizzard alive, able to take nourishment, write newspaper columns and lecture publicly, mostly in and about the South, today’s numerous specialty groups’ spokespersons would have speech police Black Marias idling near stage entrances of Chautauqua halls where LG’s orating.

Doubtless, someone’d snatch Lewis off the stage at his slightest suggestion of anyone coming out of any closet.

Couldn’t help but think of Lewis, who spoke at Enterprise State Community College, seems like twice, during the 1980s, on Groundhog Day 2020.

It was also the day Super Bowl LIV entertainment and commercials proved your scribe is beyond out-of- touch (BOOT) with today’s America: saw critters on TV that day Jim Fowler and Elly May Clampett wouldn’t like.

With any luck, and a year’s planning, the House of Adams’ Big Moroccan Theater will boycott Super Bowl LV and its trimmings.

In the HoA, it’s back to watching nostalgia (Oldies is Us) channels where commercials hawk senior memory drugs, gout remedies, backpain ointments and braces, walk-in tubs with Terry Bradshaw or Pat Boone “nekkid” in them, walking sticks, reverse mortgages, hearing aids and the cure for Peyronie’s Disease.

Life’s simpler looking into a rearview mirror at, for example, historical events of Feb. 9.

On this date in 1940, Lafayette, Alabama, native Joe Louis (Barrow), the “Brown Bomber,” beat Arturo “Arturito” Godoy in 15 rounds for the Heavyweight Boxing Championship, a title Joe defended from 1937-49, longest reign of any heavyweight.

On Feb. 9, 1951, the St. Louis Browns signed right-handed pitcher and Mobile native Leroy “Satchel” Paige (45) to a player contract.

Bill Veeck (“As in Wreck”), one-time Browns’ owner, was born on this date in 1914, as was country singer Ernest Tubb, the “Texas Troubadour.”

Speaking of singers, on this date in 1964, the Beatles (“The Fab Four”) debuted on “The Ed Sullivan Show” on CBS; if memory serves, Dick and Nell Adams (“Mamaernem”) found the foursome’s appearance as mystifying as what your scribe eyeballed last Sunday.

Clete Boyer (1937), Carole King (1942) and Barbara Lewis and Joe Pesci (1943) were all born February 9.

Sophie Tucker, “Last of the Red-Hot Mamas” (1966), Percy Faith (1976), Bill Haley (1981) and Bud Wilkinson (1994) died February 9.

Baby boomers mightn’t remember Bud by name, but the College Football Hall of Fame University of Oklahoma head football coach when we wuz young’uns, later, at the behest of Pres. John F. Kennedy, likened unto have killed us all.

Wilkinson supposedly designed physical fitness tortures coaches Ed O’Toole (Enterprise Junior High School) and Paul Terry and Dan Pridgen (Enterprise High School) drove boys through, while Gloria Loser (EJHS) and Juanita Bundy (EHS) provided pain aplenty for girls.

JFK believed painful, strenuous exercise would cure obesity in America’s youth.

Daily, after 50 eight-count burpees, plus mountain-climbing, leg-lifts, rapid-fire push-ups and sit-ups, 10 laps around the inside of the EHS gym and rope-climbing, it’s a thousand wonders any of us lived to report what killed us.

Band members, especially saxophonists, bless Pat, didn’t take PE as EHS juniors and seniors.

Decades after outgrowing our PE uniforms, we learned JFK swallowed full-strength, addictive pain-killing drugs throughout his waking hours in the White House (“Camelot”).

Back then, simply hiding in gym closets would’ve eased our physical pain.

Hmmm.

There’s a lot to be said for closets.

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