RICKY ADAMS

Quickly: What was the U.S. President’s name in 1964, a year the Beatles, Dean Martin, Louie Armstrong and Lorne Greene had No. 1 hits?

When Patty & The Emblems recorded their only hit, “Mixed-Up, Shook-Up, Girl,” in ’64, lead singer Patty Russell didn’t suspect what life would be in 2019; since she died at age 56, in 1998, Patty was spared upheavals others of us have experienced lately.

Can’t imagine if Patty would’ve reacted how your scribe did upon learning Heinz now sells “Mayochup,” “Mayomust,” “Mayocue” (all new to this computer’s “Spellcheck”), and a fancy little charmer Heinz hawks as “Salad Cream.”

Heinz, established in 1869 in Pittsburgh, now partially owned by the same BH outfit that’s owned this newspaper since 2015, long ago added to its 57 varieties.

Heinz currently manufactures thousands of products, way more than the 120+ varieties of Nabisco’s Oreos, manufactured in Chicago, supposedly in the planet’s largest bakery; Nabisco is owned by Illinois-based Mondelez International.

As mentioned here several times, “healthier” Nabisco Saltines (now with sea salt) don’t taste like crackers; and Oreos are smaller!

One diet product, “Cooked Ham,” tastes like it did in 1957, despite being 98 percent fat-free.

Some reformed Oreo-eating, diet-conscious (ahem) souls among those of us living less than two miles from the Boll Weevil Monument for all or parts of the most recent eight decades, nonetheless have lived in a mixed-up, shook-up world since birth.

In the past year or so, we’ve learned that cholesterol in egg yolks supposedly doesn’t impact cholesterol in us, but now we’re told those almost-tasteless egg whites we were sentenced to eat may actually kill us … dead!

Some sources recommend eating as many entire eggs, “Cooked your way,” because they’re good for us.

That doesn’t mean sunny-side-up eggs will be served on House of Adams hamburgers; ditto on pizzas where eggs appear as yellow and white party hats on top.

And there ain’t gone be no barbecue pizza served; some things just don’t mix here.

Some folks, as Alabama’s only Coffee County-born governor, the late James E. “Big Jim” Folsom, described as “Big Mules, Got Rocks and Tea-Sippers,” may enjoy such eats, instead of certain pure tastes of baby boomer childhood: wild plums, blackberries, maypops, bullaces, popsicles, and chocolate milk with square cookies.

Soooo, when was the last time you:

Licked Kool-Aid straight out’n the pouch;

Had Holsum bread or Godchaux sugar;

Smelled a pound cake baking in the kitchen;

Enjoyed West Indies Salad;

Gorged yourself on hot watermelon;

Found decent boiled peanuts; and

Ate oysters on the half-shell?

For that matter, when was the last time you:

Thought about Pete the monkey at Capps Supply;

Checked an Enterprise High School Wildcat Band calendar for a friend’s birthday;

Had a car with a deluxe, exterior spotlight controlled by the driver; and

Enjoyed movies with Mantan Morland or Henry Richard “Huntz” Hall in ’em?

Huntz Hall (1920-99) was the member of moviedom’s Dead End Kids who once said, “Let’s sit down and talk about me!”

That’s something 21st Century’s late-night, faux-news-mongering, president-bashers, wearing clothes from the Pinky Lee estate settlement, don’t do.

Sadly, most late-night TV hosts aren’t funny and are NOT the biggest thing to hit TV since Jack Narz.

Oh, the U.S. President’s name in ’64 was Donald John Trump.

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