I am not a dog whisperer nor claim to be. However, I believe I have decoded my mutt’s language.

When she stands on the couch and barks at squirrels, when she looks out the window and barks at cats, when she goes into a bathroom and barks at the sparkly soap dish, when she goes into a spare bedroom and barks at the ironing cord… well, you get the picture. She barks basically to bark, that or just to annoy me. Either way, she succeeds.

She’s even looked me right in the eye and barked when I know she’s full and I have had provided ear scratches and neck rubs for the last 20 minutes. What more could she possibly want?

What I have concluded during my lifetime of having dogs own me is that Lucy, the current barkoholic staying with me, is saying to the critters, shiny objects and nothing particular “HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!”

I never said she had a great vocabulary. She just doesn’t believe the first 600 ‘HEYS’ got my attention.

We see people on some cable channels with a very large numbers claiming to understand dogs. Few say they understand cats because, well, who could? Anyway, I’ve decided that the barking may actually be better than what Lucy could be telling me in English, you know, rather than Canineese. Whatever she is griping about, she seems determined to tell the world... all day, every day.

She wakes up, barks, eats, barks, tells me to have a good day after I throw her a treat, then proceeds to her perch by the window to gripe to the critters – bark -- that dare cross her line of vision.

I see dogs that, if they could talk, look as if they’d just said ‘Howya doing’ as they strolled along. Some even look stuck up and may not say anything. Not mine. She’s going to tell you, as my mother says, how the cow ate the cabbage.

That’s why I think I’ll just be content to let her voice her feelings each day, even if the barking gets real old at times. I can only ask her to stop so many times before my throat gets tired. Why do dogs not tire from barking? I honestly believe if you put a cat within a few feet of my dog she would bark -- another saying from my mother – until the cows come home.

I’ve never been a cat person, but I’m starting to like the idea of something that just cruises around quietly, minding its business... at least until some dog sitting in a windowsill goes berserk barking at it.

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