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Poor Iowans. I have had no correspondence with that state since covering the merger between IBP and Tyson Foods in 2001 while working for a business journal. IBP stood for Iowa Beef Packers, yet IBP was based in Dakota Dunes, South Dakota. It changed its name to Iowa Beef Processors, but, well, you get the picture. Tyson Foods Inc. simply changed the name to Tyson Fresh Meats, Inc., leaving those confusing state designations out altogether.

As if the Hawkeye State wasn’t confused enough, this week we had the Iowa Caucus.

Why is Iowa’s initial election called a “caucus?” According to Wikipedia, caucuses are events run by the political parties, while state and local governments run the primary elections. Spin that around in your head for a moment and see if you can decipher the difference.

By the time this column is published there will probably be an announced winner of the Iowa Caucus. Here were Iowa voters’ options for their Democratic nominee:

Joe Biden: Considered one of the nicest men in politics. That’s where his accolades stop. Biden has forgotten which state he’s at while giving speeches, is at times all too friendly with females of any age, and would like for everyone to forget that his son profited greatly — and I mean greatly! — from daddy's role as vice president under Barack Obama.

Bernie Sanders: The guy was ripped off by Hillary Clinton is the 2016 Democratic process, but then again, who hasn’t been ripped off by Hillary? He wants Socialism, yet has no idea how the U.S. can pay for his wild and wacky ideas. If you support Bernie, you may want to see how things are at the moment in Venezuela. You might as well because people in Venezuela can’t as the government thee has tried to take away almost all social media from its citizens. Taking away CNN and MSNBC, I understand, but ESPN and Facebook? Come on!

Elizabeth Warren: I believe her more for saying she was Native American than most of the stuff that comes from her lips. Surely she’s not a legit candidate.

Pete Buttigieg: He’s offended policemen time and time again. That’s all I need to hear. The sooner he’s out of the picture the safer America will be.

Mike Bloomberg: Is the Democratic Party really going to let someone in its race without taking part in the debates? If you can join this late in the game, shouldn’t Dallas have been allowed to play in the Super Bowl? I mean, after all, Jerry Jones could have bought his way in too if that were the case.

As for the others on the ballot, why do Andrew Yang, Amy Klobuchar and Tulsi Gabbard continue to spend money when they have as much a shot winning the nomination as I do heading to the Everglades to catch pythons. There are still others I couldn’t point out in a police lineup – Michael Bennet, Deval Patrick and Tom Steyer.

Good luck Iowa!

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