KYLE MOOTY

On occasion – or perhaps when I believe I’ve beaten the dead horses too many times wondering why Mike Hubbard is not wearing a state-issued inmate uniform or the Elizabeth Warrens of the world are not wearing straight-jackets – I find column fodder from some of the never-ending polls sent my way.

Usually, many of the polls – which are about as scientific as Al Gore’s theories – are quickly deleted as to not become one of the thousands I deem important enough to keep in my “in” box long enough so that I can trash them. Yes, I am at times an email hoarder.

Nevertheless, one such poll caught my eye last week. If this one was not of major importance, I don’t know what is. The survey was courtesy the United Postal Service and was sent in a news release in conjunction with Dog Bite Prevention Week. Who knew?! I don’t remember Mayor Tibbs signing a proclamation signifying such for the City of Progress, but, oh well, whattaya gonna do?

The worst city for Fido to take a nip at a Postman or Postwoman (or perhaps Postgender neutral person) is Houston, Texas. My sister lived there for 21 years. I’d be more worried about getting bit by its people than Lassie.

Los Angeles was second on the list. Can’t blame the dogs there as there are simply too many people.

Cleveland is fourth. No one should be shocked. After all, they have the Dog Pound at Browns’ games, the Cavs lost LeBron… again, and the Indians haven’t won a World Series since 1948. They’re just angry dogs.

Charlotte, North Carolina is tied for 13th with Memphis, Tennessee, and Miami, Florida is 23rd. There is no town from Alabama, Georgia or Mississippi listed among the top 30, which is quite understandable. I believe dogs here are happier because they just hang outside barbecue joints and eat scraps. I always felt like the strays that got to claim the territory around the Dreamland dumpsters were the toughest dogs in America. In doggy world, as in real estate, it’s all about location, location, location.

There is a green dot in Eufaula on the survey map and about three in the Auburn/Opelika area, which I assume means there has been dog bites reported to Post Workers in those areas, but I’m thinking someone delivered the mail a little too close to Phil’s after a Boston Butt bone was tossed and Rin Tin Tin took a chomp chomp chomp at a mail carrier, or perhaps behind Thelma’s while Cujo was gnawing on some rib bones.

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