Went to the driving range figuring I needed to get a few swings in before playing in a tournament on the coast. Fortunately, I wasn’t representing Eufaula, only myself, so the shame of what is about to occur should remain in-house, so to speak.

I got a large bucket of balls. I figured if I had no problem eating the entire biggie size I should have no problem hitting the large bucket. I was mistaken. I’m not sure how many balls are in a large bucket, but I know about how many were left in it when I was tired of swinging… Correction… sore from swinging.

I hit some that went in close vicinity of where I was aiming. I hit others that sent squirrels and rabbits – and perhaps a Bluegill or two – scurrying to safety inside trees, burrows or maybe even the great depths of Lake Eufaula.

Not long after leaving the driving range I thought I needed to go grocery shopping. My billfold and much of my torso went, but my knees and shoulders fought the decision like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum. If you saw me, I apologize for scaring your kids as I walked down the aisles leaning on my cart and walking like the nephew of Frankenstein; stiff-legged and making odd noises as I progressed. It was the only way to advance from the English peas section to the dog food; the latter because Lucy could care less what ails me as long as she has something edible in her dish.

I had torqued things on my body that I didn’t know could be torqued. Had they been torqued before?

The warm days are here and I plan on trying this again when these pains subside. I’ll be the one tossing a cell phone, billfold and a new bottle of Biofreeze into the cart. Steal my wallet and I’ll just cancel what’s necessary. Take my Biofreeze and mister, we’ve got trouble.

I searched the Internet to find out things to make you feel better after golfing. Number One was to drink more water. Try to drink 12-14 ounces every six holes, it said. I have friends who play much more often than me that average about 12 ounces of something per hole. I think it works for them as they seem to have little pain when they’re done.

Deep breathing was also suggested. What in the heck kind of breathing was I doing if it wasn’t deep? I was gassed.

Gentle mobility drills. With my knees, everything I do is gentle.

Light cardiovascular exercise. I thought hitting golf balls was a light cardiovascular exercise.

Where I turned the computer off was when it said one of the most common golf injuries was poor swing mechanics. WHAT?! How am I supposed to get good swing mechanics without practicing?

Hide the children, looks like I’m headed back to the store for Biofreeze and Advil.

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