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KYLE MOOTY

So, when I see someone I know at the local market, am I to tap your toes as one politician suggested as an alternative to the coronavirus fear?

Nah, I know too many men that would throw a right hook without asking why, and too many women who would take me to court for damaging their expensive shoes with a additional charge of coming on to them in public. And if the woman is married, you may still get the right hook from Mr. ‘Do You Know What Those Shoes Cost?’ Nope, the toe-tap is definitely out of the question.

I can see John Wayne telling someone, “My toe-tap is my word and it’s as good as gold.”

Should I Elbow-Bump? With my luck, I’d probably do so before realizing the person just underwent rotator cuff surgery and they’d let out a scream that would send the bobcats running for higher ground. Even worse, I could dislocate my elbow and have yet another body part in need of repair.

We could fist-bump as many college and pro basketball teams are doing now instead of the usual handshake, but until someone with medical proof can explain to me how your knuckles are cleaner than your palms, well I’m just not buying that as a solution. Besides, I just recently read where the 5- or 10-second rule on dropped food is actually no good because germs attach instantly, so why would a quick fist-bump be better than a firm handshake?

Before closing on a house, will bankers and buyers now say, “First, let’s fist-bump on it.” If so, you better read the small print.

There are actual signs now that proclaim the area “Handshake-free zone.” A handshake-free zone sign is supposed to give everyone a message of “It’s not you, it’s just that we have coronavirus-phobia.” What if a handshake does occur? Will there be consequences?

Our office manager just tried to order some hand-sanitizer (medical experts still say washing your hands is far better) and she was told it would be several weeks due to inventory being limited. It reminds me of the Y2K phobia.

I was told at an academic event recently at Auburn University that someone said over the loud speaker that shaking hands was discouraged.

I can’t help but wonder how cruise lines can survive with what was already terrible publicity long before the coronavirus scare. Visit the Bahamas and you may get to float around the open seas longer than you bargained for while under quarantine. The COVID-19 virus is said to affect each country differently. I’ll take my chances with the southeastern United States, thank you. There is no urgency here in seeing the Great Wall of China, or the Berlin Wall, or any wall outside of the U.S. anytime soon.

One report said doctors establish trust now with patients by greeting you with their hand over their heart rather than a handshake. Mine must have suspected me with the coronavirus long ago because that has long been his gesture. And guess what? I trust him, so it works.

In the meantime, Nancy P. and her merry band of misfits will continue to blame the virus on President Trump, although it was initially found in China. Regardless of who you believe, it has become a political tool for every side of the aisle.

If we see each other soon, how ‘bout we just nod and smile? I know, I know ... someone will have to teach others to do the latter, but maybe we can turn this into a positive.

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