KYLE MOOTY

An uncle who coached in Louisiana for decades told me that former LSU basketball coach Dale Brown would have done everything in his power to get Bigfoot eligible had he only been able to convince the reclusive creature to play for the Tigers.

Another former college basketball coach, Abe Lemons, said while he was at the University of Texas prospective student-athletes had to qualify academically to get into the school. When he finished his career at Oklahoma City University he said the only requirement to get into that school was to open the door. I guess Bigfoot never stepped foot on the OCU campus or he would’ve been playing for Lemons.

Expedition Bigfoot, on its Facebook page, said that it had been contacted by a woman on Thursday, May 29, regarding a Bigfoot sighting in Georgetown, Georgia. With my Eufaula office only about a block from the bridge, naturally, my interest was piqued.

The woman claimed she and her aunt had observed “a huge hairy ape move fast across McKensie Place Road in Georgetown, Georgia, at 7:30 p.m.” She said its body was covered in reddish brown hair and its knees were in a bent position as it walked and its arms were very long and hanging down by its side. She was on her way home from bible study. The woman provided sketches she said best represented what she saw.

It just so happens a week earlier someone was making national news by claiming there was a Bigfoot sighting in the mountains of North Georgia.

I’m still not sure it wasn’t Ray Ray or Big Earl headed to Michelle’s restaurant for the Friday night seafood buffet.

I am also uncertain as to what direction Bigfoot was heading, but I believe “Squatchy,” – my pet name for the big guy – has plenty of reasons to head in any direction.

Perhaps he’s just excited about Eufaula getting a Chick-fil-A and/or Taco Bell and was headed west to grab a sandwich... or a chalupa... or both.

Maybe he thought since the AHSAA was allowing the new Dothan school to compete at the 6A level next season despite estimates it’ll be the third-largest school in Alabama, he could play for any school for which he wishes for a season. Can’t wait to see someone tell “Squatchy” he’s not eligible.

Maybe it was no Bigfoot at all, rather the jockey-less horse still running from the Preakness Stakes.

Maybe it is Kirby Smart is pulling out all stops trying to compete with Nick Saban and he has offered “Squatchy” a free ride. He said the beast can even wear No 34, Herschel Walker’s former number that had been retired... until now.

Perhaps Bigfoot is just scared and he’s bolting from SEC territory because he figured football fans in these parts were rowdy enough, yet now they’re going to allow alcohol sales at stadiums.

Or, perhaps Bigfoot now identifies as a woman so he -- or is it she? -- is headed to Franklin Pierce University where it can compete for an NCAA track championship. I guess both “Squatchy” and the FPU athlete have answered the question as to what “other” means when you are asked to mark a document as to whether you are “male,” “female” or “other.”

Maybe Bigfoot left Nashville and is headed south because he found out singing talent – or being country, for that matter -- is no longer as much a requirement as compared to how tight you can wear your jeans.

He could be originally from Hollywood and is headed to Georgia now that the real wackos, i.e. actors and studio heads, are threatening to leave and stop filming shows in the Peach State because of its anti-abortion laws.

I heard he’s tired of hanging out in the woods around golf courses because I’m spraying my drives deeper into the forest these days. It’s just become too dangerous in there, even for the big guy.

I believe he just can’t get the hang of turning inside Eufaula monuments on some streets and outside on others and has just decided to try Georgia’s roads instead.

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