I’m thinking about going to Halloween this year as Nancy Pelosi because, you know, with costume prices as they are, I can save on the head piece because there’s not much substance up there with her anyway. I could just tape a recording of “Impeach Trump” and have it play over and over... and over and over.
There’s not much else to do to act like Nancy P. since that’s about the extent of her existence at the moment. However, I recommend using this costume only in adult gatherings as it could be quite frightening to children. It’s also very lacking in educational purposes and could actually be detrimental and stunt the child’s growth should they act as immature as the Golden Gate gal originally from Baltimore.
Moving on to less shallow-minded people -- although in some cases, it’s by a thin hair -- of which to go as this Halloween:
* President Donald Trump in a MAGA hat and an old hairdo from the Flock of Seagulls. The problem with this is that some wacko Antifa person may pour coffee on you. Of course, we are in the Deep South, so any Antifian is responding at his or her own risk because I have serious doubts you could find 12 people on a jury that wouldn’t agree with an eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth response following such a foolish act.
* Elizabeth Warren. You can dress as a Native American or Kermit the Frog as one has about as much in common with the Massachusetts senator as the other.
* Brian Williams. Just go around making up stuff and tell it as if it’s factual. Acting tip: Say it with a straight face.
* Superman or a New England Patriots’ No. 12 jersey. They’re interchangeable and basically have the same meaning.
* Tua Tagovailoa. Just limp... but only if you’re an Auburn fan... in private. Also, be careful because outside of Clemson, he has done nothing but destroy other’s hopes.
* Gus Malzahn. Just buy a pack of chewing gum, insert the entire package in your mouth, and chomp fervently while pacing back and forth and hiking up your khakis.
* Ed Orgeron. Go around wearing an LSU jersey and talking like the coach from The Waterboy and people will know who you are because the coach from The Waterboy talked liked Orgeron.
* Jack Nicholson. When you wake up in the morning, don’t touch your hair and look as if you just ate the cookies your wife baked for a church picnic. Again, no need to spend money because you’ve already got this.
* Keith Richards. If dressing up as a 173-year-old guitarist is your kind of thing, go for it.
* Former Alabama Speaker of the House Mike Hubbard as a jail bird, although it’s looking more and more like the state is sitting on its thumbs and will never send him where the people have asked for him to reside. Orange isn’t the new black, it’s the old speaker.