KYLE MOOTY

According to one report, 1.4 million people have signed up to storm Area 51 on Sept. 20. And here I thought we only had 1.3 nuts in the U.S.

“Let’s see them aliens,” a Facebook post said. “...we can move faster than their bullets.”

I’ll answer the latter comment first. NO. No, you can’t. I realize you probably don’t have a job and this would give you a purpose in your sad life, but why would you want to test this silly theory of yours?

As for the “them aliens” statement, I can save you a whole lot of time if that’s what you’re looking for, you know, strange beings with outrageous views. Visit Washington and look up the clueless members of Congress who sympathize with Al Qaeda, want to give free healthcare to people illegally entering our country, allow free college tuition to all while forgiving student debts, take away our firearms, and discontinuing the use of cattle and airplanes. Yes, I don’t think anyone will find a green-skinned, bug-eyed E.T. at Area 51 that’s crazier than Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

I say we storm the homes of those who voted AOC in office and see where they’re hiding their brains.

The “Stormers” even diagramed a game plan. Yeah, they actually think the powers that be in charge of Area 51 won’t be ready for whatever these conspiracy theorist conceive.

When “No Trespassing” signs are followed by “Deadly Force will be Used Against Violators,” it’s best you not see if Area 51 really means it. Regardless, I’m going to stock up on popcorn and be downright entertained come mid-September. It is said to be live-streamed.

The U.S. Air Force is taking what was obviously a joke in the beginning quite seriously, saying it will take any precautions necessary to protect America’s assets. (For those who think it would be “neato” and “really cool” to show up, let me speak for the Air Force: This will not be treated as a joke.) Area 51 is a training facility smack dab in the middle of the Nevada desert, which by the way, should be quite toasty for the snowflakes in mid-September. Gosh, hope they don’t melt.

If there are creatures from outer space, are they already committed to play for Nick Saban or Gus Malzahn? I mean, surely they can run the 40 in less time than Tom Brady, and look how successful he’s been against our mere mortals.

If they truly hope to find intelligent life, my advice would be to not look in AOC’s district or go anywhere near Nancy Pelosi.  If they steal those brains it could set those poor little aliens back several millenniums.  However, if they are here they must have entered the country illegally, so maybe they’re just looking for free handouts, or maybe things aren’t going so well in whatever galaxy from which they came.

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