Let’s see, Alabama turned 200 in 2019, the First Presbyterian Church of Eufaula turned 150, and I was somewhere just south of both. What awaits us in 2020? Should be the year of perfect vision, right? (Yes, I’ll end the year with as poor a joke as I probably entered.)
As for other things to look forward to in 2020, how about ...
» I have no doubt that good ole Nancy Pelosi will continue to give us column fodder throughout the decade, or at least until Toto or the 101 Dalmatians bite her. (Think about it ... think about it ...)
» We can only hope Hank Johnson, the Georgia representative, gets the microphone again and utters something as priceless as, “My fear is that the whole island (Guam) will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize.” Kinda trumps — if you will — Dan Quayle’s attempt at spelling.
» The Eufaula Tigers collectively threw egg in the face of the Alabama High School Athletic Association by being one of the best athletic programs in Class 6A the last two seasons when they should have been in 5A. Now that the AHSAA changed the rules on how it counts students and kept EHS at 6A, well, just do it again.
» Jerry Jones is determined to have another Super Bowl winner, even going to the lengths of signing a questionable character as his star running back and keeping a below-average coach on the sidelines. Yes, the NFL is a win-at-all-cost league, but the Cowboys aren’t even winning regularly despite Jerry’s Texas-sized checkbook. “Wait’ll next year,” a Cowboys theme since 1996.
» Kyle Mooty is hardly the biggest loser many think as he still fights the battle of the bulge. But there are new knees awaiting him right around the corner. Hey Lt. Dan, I’m getting new legs, too!
As for those no longer with us...
» We won’t have Grumpy Cat to kick around any longer as he (or was it a she?) has gone to feline heaven ... or wherever it is cats go, you know, because all dogs go to heaven and they don’t want any cats around.
» I hope Eddie Money had at least one ticket to paradise.
» Tim Conway left us. He is still one of the top five funniest people in my lifetime along with Richard Pryor, Ron Williams, George Carlin and Lewis Grizzard. Dang, they’re all gone.
» Jim Fowler left us, too. Maybe Marlin Perkins can tell him how to handle the beast while hiding behind a cloud. Come to think of it, there shouldn’t be any beasts where Jim is.
» To the Democratic Party as we once knew it: adios. It is now led by humans of an unknown origin.
» Al-Baghdadi is al-begoney, for which we can all breathe a sigh of relief.
» Jeffrey Epstein ... well, bye. Say hello to al-Baghdadi, and know that you and he aren’t missed in the least.