Joey Chestnut 71, Hot Dogs 0.
“Now you know how we felt,” said the Washington Generals.
Wimbledon docked Aussie Bernard Tomic his entire purse — $56,100 — for “not meeting professional standards” in a lackluster opening-round defeat.
Baltimore Orioles players are suddenly shaking in their cleats.
Around the horn
MLB bumper sticker waiting to happen: “Honk if you haven’t hit 20 homers this season.”
Getting lots of pub
Bruce Masters, a 74-year-old retired English rail worker, has visited 51,784 pubs in 40 years.
Somewhere Harry Caray is hoisting an ice-cold Budweiser in his honor.
Wrong backup plan
A 35-year-old serial toilet clogger in Sheboygan, Wis., just got sentenced to 150 days in jail.
Luckily for the Mariners he’ll be out in time for spring training: They can certainly use a good stopper.
Men put on twice as many pounds as women in their freshman year of college, according to researchers at Canada’s York University.
Especially the ones on a football scholarship.
If Angels star Mike Trout played an entire 162-game schedule against Texas — based on what he’s done in his 13 games against the Rangers this season — he’d finish with 112 homers, 199 RBI and a 1.023 slugging percentage.
Rub of the Green Dept.
Golfer Robert Garrigus has completed his three-month suspension for using marijuana.
Which certainly puts a whole new spin on “getting up and down.”
Watch my bumper
A study says Idaho is the worst state for tailgaters.
With the obvious exception of Boise State football games.
One strike, one out
Angels infielder Tommy La Stella fouled a ball off his right leg and fractured his tibia, knocking him out of Tuesday’s All-Star Game.
Probably not the All-Star break he had in mind.
There’s talk that breakdancing might be a medal sport at the 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris.
Just think of it as Mary Lou Retton at hyperspeed on pavement.
Talking the talk
— Cubs manager Joe Maddon, to ESPN.com, after a fan-interference call went against his team: “You know what I would like you to do? Call New York. Because I’m tired of getting fined, quite frankly. I want my grandkids to go to college.”
— Goalie Roberto Luongo, via Twitter, on retiring from the Florida Panthers after 19 NHL seasons: “I’ve decided to take my talents to a South Beach retirement home.”
Oklahoma is the most dangerous state in which to celebrate the Fourth of July, according to findings by home-security website ASecureLife.com.
Hey, they don’t call ’em Boomer Sooners for nothing.
— Comedy writer Brad Dickson, after a Big Ten team (Michigan) nearly won the College World Series: “This is like a Buick Century taking the checkered flag at the Indianapolis 500.”
— Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, via Twitter, on James Dolan getting rebuffed by all the big NBA free agents: “New name: New York Nix.”
— Title of competitive eater Joey Chestnut’s new ESPN “30 for 30” documentary: “The Good, The Bad, The Hungry.”
— Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on July 4 marking the 80th anniversary of Lou Gehrig’s “luckiest man on the face of the earth” speech: “Words that still resonate … In another 80 years, will anything a current athlete says be remembered?”
— At TheOnion.com: “Bodybuilder can’t believe he forgot to develop right arm.”
— At Fark.com: “KD, Kyrie, and DeAndre will be nothing but Nets.”
Quote, end quote
— Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, after 45,000 barrels of Jim Beam bourbon burned in a Kentucky warehouse fire: “Authorities suspect alcohol was involved.”
— Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on the Rays’ average attendance this season: “Only 14,546, a figure not to be confused with the ERA of the Orioles’ pitching staff.”
— Mike Tanier of BleacherReport.com, on ranking Seattle fans fourth in his NFL Fanbase Rankings: “Home-team myopia aside, most Seahawks fans know their football. A few even realize the sport wasn’t invented in 2012.”
— Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on how bad free agency is going for the Knicks this year: “Even the Mets are feeling sympathetic.”
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