Joey Chestnut 71, Hot Dogs 0.

“Now you know how we felt,” said the Washington Generals.

———

Net loss

Wimbledon docked Aussie Bernard Tomic his entire purse — $56,100 — for “not meeting professional standards” in a lackluster opening-round defeat.

Baltimore Orioles players are suddenly shaking in their cleats.

———

Around the horn

MLB bumper sticker waiting to happen: “Honk if you haven’t hit 20 homers this season.”

———

Getting lots of pub

Bruce Masters, a 74-year-old retired English rail worker, has visited 51,784 pubs in 40 years.

Somewhere Harry Caray is hoisting an ice-cold Budweiser in his honor.

———

Wrong backup plan

A 35-year-old serial toilet clogger in Sheboygan, Wis., just got sentenced to 150 days in jail.

Luckily for the Mariners he’ll be out in time for spring training: They can certainly use a good stopper.

———

Weighting game

Men put on twice as many pounds as women in their freshman year of college, according to researchers at Canada’s York University.

Especially the ones on a football scholarship.

———

Lunker Trout

If Angels star Mike Trout played an entire 162-game schedule against Texas — based on what he’s done in his 13 games against the Rangers this season — he’d finish with 112 homers, 199 RBI and a 1.023 slugging percentage.

———

Rub of the Green Dept.

Golfer Robert Garrigus has completed his three-month suspension for using marijuana.

Which certainly puts a whole new spin on “getting up and down.”

———

Watch my bumper

A study says Idaho is the worst state for tailgaters.

With the obvious exception of Boise State football games.

———

One strike, one out

Angels infielder Tommy La Stella fouled a ball off his right leg and fractured his tibia, knocking him out of Tuesday’s All-Star Game.

Probably not the All-Star break he had in mind.

———

Street dancing

There’s talk that breakdancing might be a medal sport at the 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris.

Just think of it as Mary Lou Retton at hyperspeed on pavement.

———

Talking the talk

— Cubs manager Joe Maddon, to ESPN.com, after a fan-interference call went against his team: “You know what I would like you to do? Call New York. Because I’m tired of getting fined, quite frankly. I want my grandkids to go to college.”

— Goalie Roberto Luongo, via Twitter, on retiring from the Florida Panthers after 19 NHL seasons: “I’ve decided to take my talents to a South Beach retirement home.”

———

It’s OK

Oklahoma is the most dangerous state in which to celebrate the Fourth of July, according to findings by home-security website ASecureLife.com.

Hey, they don’t call ’em Boomer Sooners for nothing.

———

Quote marks

— Comedy writer Brad Dickson, after a Big Ten team (Michigan) nearly won the College World Series: “This is like a Buick Century taking the checkered flag at the Indianapolis 500.”

— Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, via Twitter, on James Dolan getting rebuffed by all the big NBA free agents: “New name: New York Nix.”

— Title of competitive eater Joey Chestnut’s new ESPN “30 for 30” documentary: “The Good, The Bad, The Hungry.”

— Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on July 4 marking the 80th anniversary of Lou Gehrig’s “luckiest man on the face of the earth” speech: “Words that still resonate … In another 80 years, will anything a current athlete says be remembered?”

———

Headlines

— At TheOnion.com: “Bodybuilder can’t believe he forgot to develop right arm.”

— At Fark.com: “KD, Kyrie, and DeAndre will be nothing but Nets.”

———

Quote, end quote

— Jim Barach of JokesByJim.blogspot.com, after 45,000 barrels of Jim Beam bourbon burned in a Kentucky warehouse fire: “Authorities suspect alcohol was involved.”

— Bob Molinaro in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot, on the Rays’ average attendance this season: “Only 14,546, a figure not to be confused with the ERA of the Orioles’ pitching staff.”

— Mike Tanier of BleacherReport.com, on ranking Seattle fans fourth in his NFL Fanbase Rankings: “Home-team myopia aside, most Seahawks fans know their football. A few even realize the sport wasn’t invented in 2012.”

— Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on how bad free agency is going for the Knicks this year: “Even the Mets are feeling sympathetic.”

———

©2019 The Seattle Times

Visit The Seattle Times at www.seattletimes.com

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

Subscribe to Daily Headlines

* I understand and agree that registration on or use of this site constitutes agreement to its user agreement and privacy policy.

Copyright 2019 Tribune Content Agency.

Load comments